direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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