there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
