hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
