They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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