i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
