found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what day is it and did you see me today?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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