Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
