She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize