I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
