who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
