She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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