I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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