He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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