Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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