made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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