I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
