I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
