Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
