my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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