apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you win again, gameday.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
