Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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