somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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