That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
In America we eat man semen.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
