He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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