She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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