Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
