He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize