He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
