I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
