sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
