I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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