Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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