; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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