Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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