don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
