so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
