i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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