On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
