Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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