No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
