i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
