I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
