im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
