I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
vagina is talking i cant
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
