He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
