Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
