Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
