I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
