If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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