dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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