3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
