There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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