he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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