toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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