I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
