you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
