Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
