hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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