no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
