Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
