In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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