It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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