Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
