okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
