we're blogging at a bar
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
