"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
