Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
