if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
