Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She bit a glass in half.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
