dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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