Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
