well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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