Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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